So I have to get this out somewhere and writing used to help me so might as well see if it still works. I know that I am making a mistake just by acting on pure logic and sensibility. I know that I shouldn't even be with this girl because it isnt fair to her that she thinks she has my heart and yet she really doesnt. Shes a great friend and I know that I can always count on her no matter what because she is so in love with me and I know she will always be. To me it is just easier to be with the safe bet, knowing that I will never get hurt than to take the chance on something real. I mean don't get me wrong, I do like her and I love her but not in the way that she loves me. Really the only reason that I am even doing this is because I know what a future with her will bring, theres no surprises or fears. I wonder if that makes me a terrible person, if I am just using her for her love. I have little doubt that I won't hurt her, I already have and I know it but I can't change who I am. I've tried to tell her that she deserves better but she is so persistent that I am the only one she wants. Even last week after I was with someone else and I told her, all she could say was that she loved me and she will work through all of this with me. You know I am very lucky to have her and a part of me wonders if I can grow to love her as she loves me.
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